Men Cry Too

 Men cry too.

Men cry in darkness.

Men cry when eyes are elsewhere.

 

Men get angry.

Men get snappy.

Men get emotional.

 

Men are different.

Men are human.

Men are also in need of support.

 

Men can cry but hold back the tears.

Men can hold back until too late.

Men can be more likely to commit suicide.

 

Men if you shed a tear, we will be there to support you.

Men if you need a hand, we will give you one.

Men if you can admit you need it, we will admire your strength.

 

So, talk to each other, cry to one another.

So, learn to show and share your feelings.

So, accept that opening is hard but is worth it.

 

From Men to Women and in between there are differences.

Some cry and some are angry.

But Man to Women and in between…

 

All of us have emotions.

All of us should be able to share them without judgment.

All the ups and downs all year round.

 

Men cry as Women do.  

 

 

Trauma

 

Everyone has a different experience and relationship with Trauma.

This is mine…

 

I have been thinking about Trauma recently. My own experience and that of others.

Trauma is hard to recover from, it takes time, as with every emotional hurt.

Sometimes I wish it would ‘hurry up’ so I could be ‘normal’ again.

Then I recall that my reaction that my Nanna Jo dying suddenly in a house fire is ‘normal’.

 

By working with and supporting clients, friends, and family I have started to learn more about how common, unique to each person and complex a thing is Trauma.

Trauma, I think, is developed to help us pause and acknowledge and process our pain.

When hard things happen, Trauma turns up.

For me, I had some physical symptoms, nausea, shakes, panic attacks, muscle tension causing migraines and vison disturbances, smoke sensitivity, sudden cramping of my uterus (part of PMDD having fun with me, it reacts to stress by tensing my uterus… bodies are strange and sometimes a bit self-destructive).

So, I went to my GP who specialises in women’s health. The first thing she asked me was “are you talking with anyone about this?” when I replied “mostly my boyfriend” she gently stated “No… I mean book in with your phycologist”.

She is an excellent and compassionate GP. She did not dismiss the physical symptoms due to my emotions. Sent me off for a blood test and checked my blood pressure. Turns out, like a lot of women I was iron deficient. 22/30 was low enough that I was asked to take supplements for three months. Good news, now it is almost at 30 (healthy range) so I just eat more iron rich food combined with upping my citrus intake.

Anyway… slowly I did start to feel better. I had an appointment with my phycologist, talked about it with close friends and family, received hugs and support, all the good stuff.

Fire Training… was deeply triggering. I was so thankyou for my understanding and kind Chaplin at work who stood with me, talking softly in my ear, seeing me few the panic and the flash backs that made me cry convulsively afterwards. I love her for that. I was so very relieved that I had already told her what had happened, so she intuitively stood with me.  

If you are recovering from Trauma know that I would always be willing to stand by you, to be your support person, to hold you while you cry and listen as you talk it out. I had people to do that for me and I would not consider myself in recovery now if they had not been there for me during this time. I found a helpful phrase during Fire Training was “it’s not the same fire” and then, with instruction, I extinguished the flame. Pick a phrase if you find it helpful, and people you can talk to. Face your fear and seek advice from health care professionals. They help a lot. I saw GP, Physio, and Phycologist. Who is on your team?

The most important thing is to have people you can talk to, fall apart in front of without feeling self-conscious. This is important. Find your people. People who have been where you are and can genuinely tell you ‘it’s going to suck for a while… then it really does get better’

So, to my health care team, to my close friends, to my family, my boyfriend, and the Chaplin at work and my colleagues and parents of my clients…

THANKYOU!

May everyone be as blessed as I am to have people in their lives that they can be comfortable enough to be real with and receive deep support from.

You guys are wonderful.

COVID 19 Rains

 COVID 19 Rains

Why do you threaten us so? Why must we hide from each other? Why does ours and other's physical health take priority? 

Friends when and how and can we meet again? Friends how best can I care for you? Friends will we forget one another?

Work when will requirements stop fluctuating? Work why do you have to be so dreadfully daunting? Work I understand that I am obligated to go to you, but sometimes, I really don't want to, who does?

Family how do we show our love? Family grief is so much more complex, isn't it? Family who am I allowed to hug?

Flooding questions, information to remember and process, and concerns keep coming in. Flooding feelings for others and our own on top of those. Flooding COVID 19 on all of us. 

Downpour on all... don't forget your umbrella and take a spare for a friend or two. As we walk through all this together…  

'My times are in your hands, Lord.' Psalm 31:15

Fire Extinguisher

-Dedication: To all the Fire Fighters in NSW... thank you.-

Flames. Any kind.

Easy to exacerbate. Easy to create. 

But hard to tame. 

How do you lessen a flame?

It takes time to quell.

Why? Because fire is powerful.

Angry fire, boiling emotions.

Fire is real, hot, and decimates fast.

How to make still? Still enough to quench?

We'll need resources: patience, time, respect.

A clear head and a calm presence.

Let it still and slowly soften the flame.

It is love.

 Love that gives what is needed.

To save relationships, treasures and life.

The willingness to fight back  the flames.

So thank you to firefights of NSW.

Those who put themselves at risk,

to save others, often strangers.  

Thank you for showing us bravery. 

For your example we can find courage to fight.

To fight flames of anger and powerful emotions. 

To help others fight internal flames.

To say 'hey, let's take a breath together'. 

Because if a fire-fighter can stand up to flames...

Then so must I. 

With you by my side. 

Luke 18: "For nothing is impossible with God"

Happiness

Happiness is a learned thing.
Learn what, where, why and when.

Happiness is a choice.
Choose to be contented, not to dwell, but to look ahead.

Happiness is when we discover.
Be fascinated by the little sparks in the dark.

It is hard to be happy.
But I urge you, do not give up.

When you tire of searching call to the people who bring you joy.
Those who will stand by you in ups and downs.

Oh Lord, thank you for blessing us with other people.
The happiness I find in you is boundless.

Little Things

Sometimes on the grey days and the black days,
we are prone to focus on the darkness.
But it is far better to look at the shoots and the stars.
Those little stars in the bleak blackness.

A call from a friend.
A walk with the dog.
A good book that makes you laugh.

All of these are can lift the weight off you.
Each little thing helps.
They don't have to be complex.

A hug rather than a worried look.
A small task completed for you.
A meal made for you.

Just little things, but they make life worth continuing.
Every little sensation.
A taste. A touch. A feel. A smell.

Thank You God for all the little things.
For even when there is darkness all around...
I will choose to fix my eyes upon the little things.
Starting with a breath and ending with a poem.

Ghosts

I try to sleep but am haunted by ghosts.

They are made of memories.  

Becoming so clear in my mind that when I eventually sleep they continue to occupy me. 

To take up the space where they may orchestrate. 

What it plays on the back of my eyelids.

Sometime ago I had a dream where I was tired from a severe lack of sleep.

As a result, I went through my working day, getting everything wrong.

My initial thought was that surely this prediction would be fulfilled. 

It made sense.

However, after gaining some perspective,

I concluded that my brain was simply warning me.

Warning me to take care, be aware of my stress and fatigue, and its impact.   

A tool to use in my competition with this ghost- failure.

Once I looked at it in a new light it no longer scared me.

In fact, I thanked it for its warning. 

It's warning of a genuine danger. 

For not all dreams, recollections, and ghosts are helpful. 

But this one was. That is why I stopped to acknowledge it. 

After all, it did me a favour.  

Dogs

They are a unique species. 

No animal comes in so many varieties. 

From the St Bernard to the scruffy Mutt, 

to the little Jack Russell, each has its own personality.

They each possess so many abilities. 

Police dog, companion, Blind dog, 

specifically trained therapy dogs for PTSD, 

Epilepsy, and even those who help people with CP (Cerebral Palsy),

 to maintain their balance.  

It's been said that even looking into a dog's eyes

 can generate oxytocin- happiness. 

Dogs can calm, exercise, reduce anxiety and depression, 

give you a reason to look after yourself, 

reassure you that they adore you, no matter how bad things get,

or how many times you may fail.

Dogs make our lives better. Thank you God for dogs.

Emotions

There are times when I’ve yearned for my emotions to simply cease.

But what would that look like? After contemplating the question, I resolved that if we eradicated all feelings… grief, loneliness, comfort, jealously, satisfaction, affection, joy, hatred, compassion, envy, anxiety, dispiar, anger, shame, joy…

Leaving them all behind would destroy our motivation, empathy and sense of purpose.

We need to feel. If we became entirely apathetic we could not feel for others. Never having experienced, and therefore not able to understand, where the other person is and how they are feeling.

It is deeply encouraging to me to know that Jesus knew how painful it can be to live in this world
- but he came regardless.

He came so that we might not endure the estrangement, but the adoption.

So that we may know the happiness amongst the grief. The colour against the black.

For what we did not earn he gave in abundance. He gave his grace. 

A treasure that will never spoil or fade.

Now when emotions make strong attempts to overwhelm me, I will recall him who triumphs.

I will put on the armour of God as I prepare for battle. As I march out surrounded by other Christians, I will remember that I do not struggle alone. With the support of my brothers and sisters, I am not alone. None of us are, God is with us…  Always.